ALL BLACK LIVES MATTER

What an unbelievable time this is.
I'm just now seeing that my last post was made two days after George Floyd's murder. I wrote it not knowing that a few days later, I would be swept up in the tragic yet wonderful, necessary storm of the Black Lives Matter movement. I had heard that another Black man had been killed, but I avoided finding out the whole story because I had become used to Black people being murdered and not finding justice, even though I have always believed wholeheartedly that Black lives matter. I accepted it as a reality where I could do nothing to prevent or help, and moved on like "normal". I am ashamed of that horrible, privileged, static mindset I've lived with my entire adult life. So I'm here to promise myself that I will never go back to it. While the devastation of this pandemic is vast and irreparable, there are undeniable silver linings. The world, more specifically, this country, has been forced to stop and wake up. The ugly spotlight centered on our biggest, most ignored problems. There was no avoiding that video. There was no distraction, everyone had to see it for what it was. I am thankful for that. It's ignited a new will to live more purposefully by adding activism into it. I'm very late but have been very lucky that it hasn't taken the loss of my own Black family or friends to finally get involved. I am so thankful for the friends I've surrounded myself with who are smarter, more political, were already activists, and just better than me in every way. They've inspired and taught me so much in such a short time. I'm done with my nihilistic ways and am committed to do the anti racism work for the rest of my life. I'm going to fight alongside my brothers and sisters in the ways that I can.

I wondered if I could ever come back to this blog, if it was right to continue while the world is imploding on itself. While people are facing off with the fucking feds on the ground. But then I think the same of everything else. Can I sleep in my bed while..... Can I be comfortably watching netflix while...... I'm going to worry and feel guilty no matter what. I'm always going to be able to do more and better. So, I figure I just keep doing what I want as long as I still also do something for the movement. As I continue to catch up on the documentation of the things I did last year and on, in no way have I gone back to the "normal" of pre covid. I also have to live my life in tandem with my activism. Or maybe that's my selfishness and privilege giving excuses... I don't know... I guess I'll just have to see when I get called out for it... >____<