DRAWING THE MAPS TO MY SOUL

2018-12-30

I'm caught up! :O

I can't believe it! It only took the entire existence of this blog for this to happen but I'm finally doing it! I'm finally going to be up to date! (و ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

August: Monday the 6th
I was walking down the street on my way to rehearsal when out of nowhere I get hit by this:
Didn't look too bad but I was in shock cause...wtf?? Lol honestly the epitome of my luck.

It only just kept looking worse and the bruising spread. Luckily I just got hit in soft parts and didn't crack a bone or anything but I think the scarring might be permanent. (︶︹︺) The guy that owned the thing that hit me paid for my doctor visit when I was worried about the swelling not going down after a month but I kind of wish I made a police report or something in case I have to get the scarring removed or anything. But at the time, I was so out of it and also, it's not like I got hit by a vehicle? So I just took his info down, which, of course, his id was expired and from a different state. Much like the guy who rear ended me in the beginning of the year and still hasn't paid his collections for my car repairs. Lots of irresponsible people this year. To add to those two: my old landlord who still won't give back my deposit and will probably have to sue now. (ʘ∇ʘ)ク 彡 ┻━┻

But let's move on to happier thoughts! I was in rehearsal for this:
I did a reading and got to work with Helen onni, UG, and Cat again! Also met nice new people too.

Saturday the 18th
Volunteered for the Consortium of Asian American Theatres & Artists Confest that week.
It was being held in Chicago for the first time and I'm so glad Sarah told me about it. She's in the know of everything! I also got to do one of the readings that was part of it.
*stolen from someone's Facebook*
It was sooo good and the response was amazing! I can't wait to see any of Preston's plays come to full production!

A few pictures of some of the many performances I got to see:
Kinolau

Stir-Friday Night
Go Helen onni!

Embedded

Pohaku

It was amazing and encouraging to see so many Asian theatre artists gathered in one place. Excited for the next one!

September: Friday the 14th
Another long awaited musical act: Rina Sawayama!!
I got there late so I couldn't get a good spot.

Good thing Georgeanne had us go upstairs.
UGH SHE'S SO GOOD!!! AND SO ARE HER DANCERS!!! ヾ(*⌒ヮ⌒*)ゞ

Georgeanne trying to get hit by cars on the way to her uber.

Saturday the 15th
Last day of working IMTS 2018.
It was my first time working a trade show. I need to get into this area of work cause wow the pay is good!!

Wednesday the 19th
Got a haircut.
Easing myself back into bangs. I want to commit but I'm also too lazy to style them.

Friday the 28th
Saw Hyukoh with Phyllis and her friend.
Inner Wave opened for them.

We had a really nice perch
(ノ。≧◇≦)ノ So amazing!! His voice makes me so emotional uwu

October: Friday the 12th
Why am I smiling?

Cause I finished another one!

Friday the 19th
Went to the pop up museum with Becca.
I totally forgot to take a picture of the food we had before getting to the space.
*stolen from Becca*

*stolen from Becca*

*stolen from Becca*

*stolen from Becca*

*stolen from Becca*

*stolen from Becca*

The guy overseeing this room matched it sooo well.

The star of the show

Wish I could see a full Yayoi Kusama exhbition! So magical~ (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

All in all, I was a bit disappointed. I think it would have been better if we had gone in the summer when they first opened cause there was obviously not a lot of upkeep and a lot of things were broken or dirty. Obviously the draw was the Infinity Room but I still wish there was a little bit more...something. At least for the price. But I shouldn't have expected much from a gram trap. But I still had a lot of fun cause I was there with Becca. The fun things were really fun! I also got an amazing poem from there. I have no idea where it is right now but it was definitely one of the highlights of my experience there.

Friday the 26th
Found a prop from my first play ever while cleaning.
It's from high school lol. We did Sideways Stories of Wayside School and we each had journals to work on.

My rendition of all the characters.

I could draw okay when I was a kid.

November: Saturday the 3rd
Opening of Spirits to Enforce!
Another thing with my face on it.

I believe this was our first rehearsal.

Show pics
*stolen from Facebook*
Opening party group picture~
My overgrown bangs will be the death of me.

Tuesday the 6th
Always gotta fuel before a show.

Ahhhh!! (۶* ‘ꆚ’)۶”
I've been kicking my butt for missing a free opportunity to see Toro y Moi years ago and vowed I would go the next chance I had, and it finally came!

Dizzy Fae

Wooo~~~
His smile is sooo cute >w<

Saturday the 17th
Closing :(
I am so thankful to this group. I was very lacking in this production and dropped the ball a lot and they caught it so fast and graciously every time. <3

Cards from Will and Jean.
Jean commissioned am amazing rendering of what the play's villain might have looked like for our cards!

Wednesday the 21st
Shoot for PD.
I hated seeing this jacket at work and I especially hate it on me as a costume.

Wondering why I am fated to be ugly on camera.

The amazing lunch. Four different proteins. I will shut up and stay ugly if I'm always fed like this. They even had a milk chocolate fountain that day!! (*´﹃`)

Saturday the 24th
Wore what I thought was appropriate attire to see Helen onni's show.

Not a feel good play but still very good. *shudders*

Monday the 26th
Woke up at three in the morning to absolute quiet cause the generator and all other power was out. I was hoping things would be back to normal by the time I got back home but...

Thursday the 29th
Second and last day of shooting.
I should have just fixed it but I was scared of the MUA being offended....but nobody would have noticed to be honest and now I'm the only one looking like a fool...

I also ran into a girl I worked with years ago!

December: Saturday the 1st
I don't think I'll ever get all the wax off my floor.

Wednesday the 12th
Finally was at the right place at the right time to have the appreciation breakfast at work. I missed it all the previous years I've been there. It was good~

Thursday the 6th
You know I don't have work if I wear actual clothes. Went to rehearsal.

Saturday the 22nd
Saw Rightlynd (great show) and then went to Kevin's for dinner cause Tina was in town!
Looks gross but the pork was so good~

Kevin slicing salami with a cleaver cause he's classy.

And... no pictures of Tina.. haha woops.

Now
My soul has left my body. I have been sick this past week. I called off three days of work which is something I've never done before. This post is the most work I've done all week cause I would start sweating just from sitting up LOL. Aging sucks. I've just been stuck in bed. And the bathroom. I was supposed to get so much done this week with the break from rehearsal and holiday. T___T AND I'm getting my period. 2018 is really getting it's last kicks in.
This year has seriously destroyed me emotionally, mentally, and now, physically too. But what I like about writing this blog, especially these last three posts, is that it puts most of the year into perspective and I can't say it was all horrible. Just a little more than half lol. But when I was in the middle of those bad times, it felt like it was never ending and I was just in utter despair everyday. I really wanted nothing but to die. It was the worst I've ever felt and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to try something. I don't know if it was just a lucky day or if I just needed to hit a certain low, but I finally had the will power to make an appointment for a psychiatrist and therapist. And I went. And honestly, things have been so much better, it annoys me that I didn't try sooner. But I try not to dwell on that. And maybe, if I never started medication and therapy, I wouldn't try not to. Maybe, I wouldn't have written these posts. Or see that this whole year wasn't trash. Probably. 
Now, I can see that I still did a lot, even while drudging through all the shit: 
-  I had so much fun spending time with people I love, even those who chose to leave later
- I saw lot of amazing shows (also, what an AMAZING year for kpop. bop after bop all year)
-I basically had consistent work throughout the year (even if I did have to excuse myself mid rehearsal to go have a panic attack in the car ^^;;)
- I got a new agent
- I joined SAG
- I got a room, a bed, and a desk for the first time in five years(!!!)
And I guess, most importantly, I finally sought out and received the professional help that I need.
So I guess this last low is the push I need to start taking care of my physical health now too.
I'll try for that next year~ \\٩( 'ω' )و ///
);