Warning: This intro is pretty long so feel free to skip it. It's just some self reflection mumbo jumbo crap that isn't interesting at all. XD But then again, if you don't, the title and some of the things I write won't make sense... Anyways, thanks to those who do! And thanks to those who come just to look at pictures! You all mean a lot to me! <3
I have made a decision. I have decided to try and stop being such a downer on myself. I've been growing up with almost no self esteem or confidence and it's effecting me negatively with my relationships, school/career, just life in general. I'm finally understanding the whole "if you don't love yourself, how can you love somebody else?" thing. I'm so used to always putting myself down that it's become a habit. I don't even have to think when I put a "Lulz I'm so ugly" caption. It's like, automatic. Lulz not good. It's good to be humble, but not self destructive.
A couple people have asked me "If you think you're so ugly, why do you take so many pictures of yourself? Are you just fishing for compliments?" Lulz no. Actually, taking my own pictures is actually what helped me grow more comfortable with myself. I kept taking them and then I kept seeing my own face and it forced me to just accept that this is how I look. I'm not pretty but whatever. I can fix it with surgery. LULZ. And I guess playing with photoshop and seeing this better looking version had a psychological affect of making me think more positively about how I look. Lulz I dunno.
But yeah, I need some confidence and self esteem. I can't keep thinking people are lying to me to be nice. I can't keep stopping myself from doing things like auditioning because I think I suck. Fake it till I make it I guess lulz. I can't keep sitting out of things cause I'm afraid of looking bad.
So I am going to try to stop bashing myself! Ahhh this is going to be hard cause I've been doing it my whole life. But I will try! I want to be happy with myself! I can't keep hating myself for forever D:
Well enough of my rambling. Onto the post! I do apologize though cause there's a lot of selcas in this post as well. But most are decent ones! (Progress? :D)
Sunday the 16th
I got an email asking if I could play the supporting character in a short film by another student. Seeing as I wouldn't be doing anything else acting-wise this year again, I said yes! :D
I had a lot of time till the scheduled shoot, so I played with Takutzjin.
Outside my bedroom window
Lulz this shot was a mistake. I pressed the shutter on accident but it came out decent so I kept it! XD
Played around with colors on photoshop
I've taken a liking to the webcam cause it doesn't show my smile lines! :DDD I think they're getting deeper and more prominent as I get older T__T
Left to right: Staring into your soul, trying to act pretty, peace, hmm, *gasp*, fake smile, real smile, trying to act cute/scared for the shoot
I forgot to grab Takutzjin with me so I couldn't take any pictures. Sad cause the people I met were so nice and funny! We were all second years but they seemed way older than me cause they were so knowledgeable and passionate! I just listened to them talk about their craft. I love listening to people talking about things they're passionate about! It's so interesting!
The shoot was so fun! And guess what, they used a Bolex to shoot! For those of you who don't know what that is, it's:
Old school original. Hell yeah! It was so cool to be shot by this cause I got to hear the "ch ch ch ch ch" sound! XD But the last scene had to be shot twice because the film got messed up D: I know I did a shit job. (Failing already.) This was my second time doing film and first time doing a serious role. Eek. Hopefully I get better! (Progress :D)
Tuesday the 18th
Just regular school.
What I wore that day:
I had my hair braided to the side that day but I eventually took it out. I never really do things to my hair cause:
Wednesday the 19th
I skipped my one class cause I didn't want to carry a back pack to the fashion show my friend was in.
What I wore that day:
Bad picture, bad lighting. It was gloomy and I don't really have a light. By the way, that area used to have my piano! We sold it a bit ago!
I had to go to school to meet up with my Lit. partner so we could finish up a presentation thing. I was supposed to meet up with my scene partner to practice our scene 2 hours later but he couldn't make it so I had nothing to do until 7:30. I wrote up a paper for my speech class cause I missed my presentation day and I'd rather write the paper than speak and then I checked out three plays and read. Then I went to eat:
Haven't had Chipotle in forever!
I still had time so:
Starbucks across the street and more reading.
Dreary, cold weather. I walked through it but I ended up going the wrong way! I walked to the Sears Tower instead of Millennium Park! FAIL. Thank goodness I brought an umbrella for the first time ever on that day! But going the wrong way and wasting time ended up being good. I was still an hour early to the show and I had to wait the whole time in a line where it was super hot and my feet were killing me. I wore heels. They don't hurt if I walk but they do if I stand for a long time. I just read in the line lulz.
The rain seeped into the tent
My childhood friend was a finalist of the "Mario Make Me a Model" contest. That was pretty much what the show was for. I think.
The featured band.
Two brothers named Brandon and Lucas Marx. They were kinda meh for me. No energy.
The show begins! Sorry, I only took a couple of each cause I was more into watching cause it passed so fast! And they aren't very good pictures. I was in the last row which turned out to be good cause I could stand to take pictures. I just wish I had an awesome telephoto lens!
There were five featured designers.
I liked her designs the best.
That was my friend. I was looking down at my camera and when I looked up, I realized it was her but she was already turning! So I missed her shot! D:
I liked these as well!
The finalists' last walk
Mercedes. I really liked her! If my friend didn't win, I wanted her to win!
Here she comes! This time I made sure I got her!
It was crazy to see her on the runway! From this:
I didn't get the guy cause he was too bright and his pictures were too blurry.
There's the man himself to announce the winner! Mario Tricoci!
For the first time, two people won! YAY~~
Highlight of my day! And then I just went home.
Look at what the weather did to my hair lulz
Do I look tired? I was exhausted
The goodie bag
Lulz not much. A vitiman water, a comb, and some discount cards.
Picture explains all. It was a shit day again. I don't know how but I overslept and there was no bus coming for some reason I don't know so I had to take a cab to the station. I hate paying for cabs but I really didn't want to be late today cause I was presenting! So I got on the train and I would have been on time BUT! I zoned out so hard that I missed my stop and ended up in China Town! And then I was late! Grrrrr after I paid for a cab. OTL I was so mad at myself I started to cry lulz. I did a crap job on my presentation. My partner couldn't make it to our practice again. Sadness. But we got to practice after class so yay. I'm so glad the week is over. It wasn't a very good one again. Phew.
Well I have to shower nows.